I talk about relationships all the time and wonder what it would be like to be in one. Fall in love.
The HONEST TRUTH is that I am SCARED Scared to be in a relationship, scared of everything that comes with it, the vulnerability, opening up to someone, having that feeling of needing them, It’s all overwhelming.
“My heart is pure.” I say that a lot, because it is. My heart doesn’t know what it’s like to be broken from loving someone in a relationship type way. The most pain my heart has felt was when my great friend passed away suddenly.
My heart doesn’t know what’s its Like to even fall in love. That’s what I mean by pure. And it’s because of that I’m scared to give it to someone, I’m afraid. I don’t want it to be abused or taken for granted.
With that being said, I wouldn’t want to rush in any relationship. Seriously! I want to take my time, test the water, be friends, LIVE! As long as I know that it is and will go somewhere, then I’m happy.
I am still a woman and still an emotional person.
•I say what I think, sometimes out of character.
•I am sometimes too blunt,
•I get nervous easily,
•I’m known for being weird, I’m a weirdo.
•I procrastinate, I’m lazy,
•my palms get sweaty on occasions, •love to laugh,
•athletic when I want to be, •adventurous,
•I over analyze everything,
•cry when I’m alone,
•keep my feelings bottled up,
•family oriented, goal oriented, •extremely goofy,
•love to learn,
•I make mistakes,
•I will succeed. I’m just a person striving to be better than I was the day before.
If you can’t understand that, then you can’t understand me.
I do not wear makeup everyday or even do my hair. Why? Because I do not want to become one of those girls who are afraid to NOT wear makeup. Some think a “natural” look consists of: foundation, concealer, soft tone eyeshadow, mascara and a little blush.
Some women have become so dependent on makeup that they almost have low self esteem without their “face on.” Or others actually look like real life zombies without it, because they’ve worn it so many times than none.
I need people to see me without makeup, especially men. Dressing up is time consuming, it’s a luxury. I need everyone to know that this girl can wear absolutely no makeup at all and still have as much confidence as if she had makeup on.
A lot of people based their current relationships off of their past one. I mean I understand the whole “I don’t wanna make the same mistake” speech, but I also understand that you have to have a clear mind.
In order to grow and move on, you have to learn from your past relationship but do not take it into the next. You have to think positive and know that your past relationship does not make you, nor should it have broken you.
A lot of people start of their next relationship saying “you know I just been hurt before and I do not want to be hurt again.” That’s fine, but you have to drop all that negativity and put it behind you. We live, we learn and we move on. You have to know that everything happens for a reason, people come into your life as a blessing or a lesson.
I somehow feel that all failed relationships are preparing you for something perfect. Preparing you for your soulmate. Someone you least expect and someone who compliments you.
Sure someone is probably thinking “well why have I been in failed relationships, same one after another.” Well because you never changed yourself. You never looked at what went wrong and analyzed the problem. Maybe you just blamed the other party. A relationship is made up of 2 people. When your relationship was over you should have sat down and had a conversation with YOURSELF. Maybe your not happy with yourself, Maybe you have anger problems, maybe your too jealous. People really need to evaluate themselves and fix shit! How do you expect anyone else to love and treat you the way you want them to when you:
1. Do not love yourself.
2. Do not treat others the way you want to be treated?
I’ve never been in a relationship/relationship, but the “friendships” I’ve been in with the opposite sex has helped me get to where I’m at today. I know now that I wasn’t suppose to be in a relationship before, I wasn’t happy With myself, I was angry, obnoxious, and just plain ol disrespectful. Over the years and just this past year alone I’ve turned over a new leaf, grown so much that it scares me. (=
I mean, if you do not like something change it right?
Well that’s what I did. I CHANGED. It’s hard to face yourself in the mirror and point out your mistakes, however I had to face them head on and tell myself “you are not who you were a year ago!” My biggest problem was my attitude. Even if someone asked me about it, I would get so emotional and that it would result in me being angry. I just knew that in order to be happy with myself, in life and with anyone, I had to change my attitude.
So I did.
I can honestly say that I am a new person. I know this because I feel it, people have noticed it and told me. I look different, I act different and my whole mindset is different. I feel I am exactly where I am suppose to be. My heart is pure, my love is powerful, my mind is positive, goals are made, and I’m ready for the world.
I been bouncing back and forth with the idea of dancing for the rest of my life. What’s clear is that I AM A DANCER and no matter how many excuses I try to make, I just cannot run away from my first love. It’s instilled in me, it’s all I know. I’ve said before and I’ll say it again, I CAN place it to the side just to see what other opportunities arise. The reality is I never want dance to fully escape from my life. I have my best moments on the dance floor, on a stage, in front of a crowd. I’m free, excited, daring… Me! I can’t imagine sitting home on what I’ve known for the past 6years to be a rehearsal night, and not doing anything!!
Truth is I love this world, the people, energy, the hunger, EVERYTHING!!!
Dance is my life! It will always be apart of me! I may dance less when I’m older, maybe not so much be on a team, but I will NEVER stop being a dancer!
I’m pretty certain 2013 is my year. Don’t get me wrong 2012 was amazing for me, I just think this year the I’s I didn’t dot and the T’s I didn’t cross will fall into place. I mean… I’ve learned to accept the things I can not change and have became a better person. (Thanks CW for that!)
I’m not where I wanna be, but I’m pretty sure I’m headed in the right direction and will get there. It starts with a goal, that turns into accomplished.
My most challenging goal yet is to have completed college (again) by the time I’m 30.
IT WILL HAPPEN. My head is high, my heart is open, attitude in check, and I’m ready for whatever this world has to offer me.